It has been such a long time since I posted that it's taken me a few minutes to get it all back. The holidays are so hard for me. Tomorrow is the sixth anniversary of my husband's death. I just want it to all go away: Christmas, THE anniversary, New Year's; with Thanksgiving, his birthday and our wedding anniversary before that. From late August through New Year's I feel as if I am under siege from the memories. Add to that the economic decline, the state of my job, the country's erratic weather patterns lately and the wackos out there gunning down their families and it's a wonder I've made it through so far. I did have a few meltdowns, one on Christmas morning and another the day after. Luckily I had good friends nearby who helped me through the crisis. I think I just needed a good cry to get me past part of it.
So this all brings me to the word I have chosen for 2009 to inspire me: CHOICE. Every day I have so many choices to make. Some days it is very clear what the outcome will be. Other days it is exceedingly difficult. Do I spend hours working on my blog, networking and learning new things to add to the blog or do I practice guitar and work on my songs? It's a very hard choice for me to make and when I first started blogging the choice was clear and the guitar took a back seat. After about two weeks of blogging however I began to feel slighted in the music department. I missed my songs, my calluses were getting soft and my blogging fervor was declining.
So here I am back again for a new post but I feel ambivalent about the whole thing. It takes so much time to blog. Time that is taken away from other more pro active activities like making art, making music, seeing friends, cooking and organizing my studio and apartment. I could go on and on but you get the picture. I really don't know how I will sort this all out. My boyfriend Tom says do one thing this day and the next thing another day and in theory this does work, except that I tend to get caught up in new things in a big way and everything else falls to the side.
It all comes down to making better choices, using my time more wisely, letting go of the things that really don't matter in my life. It's an ongoing process that I'm sure will evolve as I do. I would like to credit Christine Kane's blog for the insight about choosing one word to guide us through the New Year instead of making New Year's resolutions (that usually don't work). I discovered Christine's blog through Lisa Call's blog and I got that through Paula's self taught artist blog! See how much time it takes. Unfortunately I don't know how to link those sites in this post but hope to learn that soon. More time!